Since this blog is kind of about my life and my life actually belongs to Jesus, I figured I would share the story of how God saved me. This is what I said before my baptism in March 2012:
God saved me the same
way He has saved every other Christ follower: through the blood of His Son
Jesus Christ on the Cross. The details
of my life leading up to my salvation are different than everyone else, but my salvation
comes from the same God and through the same atoning sacrifice as every other
Christ follower. I grew up in a
Christian family and went to church every Sunday. I knew all the felt-board Bible stories, songs,
and rhymes that little kids learn in Sunday school. I was baptized at age 7 and continued
attending church with my family every Sunday until I graduated high
school. At an early age, idolatry seeped
into my life. I was a dancer, and
allowed my dancing ability and other girls to define my identity. I was extremely shy, self-conscience, and
unpopular during middle school and most of high school. Dancing was my emotional outlet and began to
consume my life at an early age. In high
school, I had very few friends outside of the dance team and became brainwashed
by my coach. My coach and team
determined how I spent my time, what I wore, how I talked, who I talked to;
literally every aspect of my life was consumed and controlled by my team. Although I was never really accepted by the
girls on the team because I was the “unpopular one,” I still considered them my
only friends. I thought of church as a
Sunday morning routine, and lived my life under the authority of my dance coach
rather than the Creator of the universe.
My junior year of high
school, I was in two fairly serious car accidents within 15 days (neither of
them my fault!) that left me unable to dance.
My coach and team completely turned against me, leaving me
hopeless. My idol had been stripped from
me, and my identity was in question. I
entered a state of deep depression and contemplated suicide. I was terrible towards my family by taking
out my emotional issues on them. My
parents decided to move the summer before my senior year of high school, which
placed me even further away from my idol.
I began my senior year at a new school that was around 3 times the size
of my previous high school. I quickly
began dating the captain of the football team and was thrust into a realm of
high school popularity that I had never experienced. My idol of dance had been replaced with
popularity. Instead of pleasing my
controlling team and coach, I began to live to please my “friends” and fell
into the party scene. I began to drink a lot and my partying lifestyle carried
over into college.
The summer of 2010,
after my second year of college at Missouri Baptist University, God led me to
Red Tree Church. I had just spent a summer
studying abroad (which is the college term for partying) in Europe and decided
to finally give in to a friend’s constant invitation to Red Tree. I began attending consistently because of how
genuine the people were. Something
inside of me recognized that truth was being spoken, even if I didn’t want to
believe it. To me, going to church and
really living the “Christian life” meant that I would have to give up on having
fun. I honestly didn’t want to stop
drinking and living my life the way I wanted to. (Which was in complete bondage to my sin). Despite
my resistance, I began going to the Comstock’s Journey group because I loved
how nice the people were. I never felt
judgment, condemnation, or shame. I only
felt love, acceptance, and peace.
Over the course of
several months, the gospel began to take root in my life. I found myself wanting to party less- I
actually found it less fun than it used to be.
I replaced nights of college debauchery with nights spent with people
from church. God was totally opening up
my eyes to true joy that is only found in Him, rather than the temporary
pleasures of the world.
In early May 2011, God
sent me to Nicaragua. I literally had no
say in the matter. I was added to the
team less than 2 weeks before we left because Tara had just found out she was
pregnant and dropped out, leaving me a spot.
God had been preparing my heart the previous few months for what He
would reveal to me in Nicaragua. I had
been gaining mass quantities of head knowledge: God had been revealing Himself
to me at Red Tree in big ways. He showed
me how perfect and holy He is, and how depraved and hopeless I am without
Him. He taught me about His Son, Jesus,
and about the unbelievable sacrifice that He made on the cross-literally
carrying every one of my sins (past, present, and future) and experiencing the
fullness of God’s wrath for MY sake so the He may be more glorified. God showed me how much I desperately NEED
Him.
In Nicaragua, God moved
everything He had taught me from my head to my heart. He showed me how big He is and how small I
really am. He showed me what it means to
be adopted as His daughter. He showed me
how much He LOVES me, which, by the way, absolutely blows me away because I am
so undeserving. He showed me what it
means to give up everything and trust Him.
God completely changed my heart in Nicaragua; I was no longer a lost
sinner, but a redeemed daughter of Christ.
I wanted nothing to do with my past life, and everything to do with
glorifying the Father and serving His Kingdom.
I’m still a sinner (that won’t change until I enter heaven and am fully
in His presence), but now I’m free from the bondage of sin. My sin no longer defines me. Christ is the author, sustainer, and definer
of my life. He is everything.
Although I was baptized
as a child, I don’t believe it had much meaning. I know I had head knowledge at that age, but
God didn’t awaken my heart to the gospel until less than a year ago and I will
never be the same. Galatians 1:12 says,
“For I did not receive it from any man, nor was I taught it, but I received it
through a revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Salvation belongs to the Lord and according to His perfect plan, He
revealed Himself at the perfect time in order to bring HIMSELF most glory. I thank the Lord that I was raised by godly,
Christ-centered parents who helped instill biblical concepts from birth, but my
salvation doesn’t belong to them. They
are excellent parents, but only God saves, not man. I thank the Lord that He pursued me during
the years that I wanted nothing to do with Him.
I know He protected me from SO MUCH during my years of blatant
rebellion. I could never thank Him
enough. I exist to glorify and praise
Him in everything. He is my Creator,
Savior, and redeemer.
